frequently asked questions

There's no good reason I haven't done this page sooner other than pure laziness. We find ourselves being asked versions of the same questions over and over. So to save you time and frustration, here you go.

do you actually milk goats?

This is me. I look happy. Sometimes I'm happy to milk goats. Other times I'm not. Charlotte is happy to have me milk her every day whether I feel like it or not. Our ladies don't care whether we are tired, hungover, on vacation, the weather sucks, its a million degrees hot, etc. They are going to be milked most of the days in a year with the exception being when they are in the final stages of pregnancy.

How do you get your goats to make milk?

Don't feel stupid if you find yourself wondering on this one. It surprises me how many times I've been asked this. Goats start making milk the same way people do. There must be a baby. Also like our bodies, as long as there is a demand there will be a supply. 

my pump won't work! what the h#$% is wrong with my pump?!

Sadly, I'll never be a hand model. But see that part that I'm holding that looks like a collar or a ring? First screw it down as far as it will go. Then get a good grip on it and hold it while simultaneously twisting the nozzle up. (counter clockwise) It should pop right up! From a statistics standpoint, there will be a few true duds in every batch of 10,000 pumps I order, but not many. In my experience, this works almost 100% of the time.

can i come pick up my order? i live  in _______ and its so close.

Sorry, but no. I'd rather just mail it to you. Interrupting the train of thought and the flow of work is never a good idea. Also, my liability insurance doesn’t cover me if something happens to non-workers on our property.  

what kind of goats do you have? how much milk do they make each?

We breed for both quality and quantity. Nubians are known for their rich, creamy milk. French Alpines are known for their massive quantities of milk. Therefore, we cross the two resulting in some pretty amazing tasting milk. Molly here is a cross. Notice her perky ears? That's an alpine trait. Some of our oldest goats are full Nubian and they have long silky ears that hang down like a hound dogs. Each of our does that are in milk produce a gallon of milk each day with production gradually tapering down over the course of 9 months or so.

what's up with that scratch & dent page?

Man, do we make some mistakes around here. And then there's things we can't help either. Labels that look a little wonky, a cardboard fleck now and then, a bottle or jar with a little nick or blemish. I wouldn't recommend gifting these items, but they work the same, just look a little wrong. Enjoy our uh-ohs while patting yourself on the back for snagging a cheapo deal before someone else snapped it up! It's what I'd do!

How do I contact you?

As always, if you have any need to contact us about your order, just email us at simplifiedsoap@gmail.com and we will get back to you during regular working hours, Monday through Friday.

do you drink the goat milk? what does it taste like?

See these happy, healthy kiddos? They were raised on raw goat milk. After milking a doe, we bring her milk inside, run it through a filter that is specially made for milk, funnel it into a glass milk bottle and refrigerate it. That's it. No pasteurizing, no homogenizing, just raw.

We find our children each have a hell of an immune system and not much gets them down. They're hardly ever in the doctor's office. They're strong and healthy. 

The milk just tastes like milk. Not like the goat milk you buy in the store though. That stuff is pretty thin and kind of grayish looking. Raw goat milk is bright white and has a higher fat content than whole cow's milk.

do you have a return/exchange policy?

I’m glad you asked. Due to the nature of the product we do not accept returns or exchanges. There’s just no way we can in good conscience resell something that may have been exposed to water, bacteria, or extreme temperatures. For this same reason, we do not offer exchanges. I’m sorry if upon arrival you change your mind, don’t like the fragrance, or have an allergic reaction to it. I hope that’s never the case. However, if your order was a mistake on our part we will remedy that asap.

We are open Monday through Thursday 8-4 CST. We ship orders on these days.

shipping addresses

Hey there, thanks for shopping! Before you submit though, please please please check your shipping address. I can't afford to reship your package after it comes back to me for reasons of insufficient address. As most of you know, the $5 most end up paying doesn't even begin to cover the cost to ship your packages, much less the packaging it comes in. So do yourself a favor and just give your shipping address a second glance before you submit your order. If it comes back to me I'll ask you if you'd like to pay to reship it or get a refund. I'll still be out the $, but only once, not twice. 

RETURNS/EXCHANGES

Due to the nature of our products we do not accept returns or exchanges. There’s just no way we can in good conscience resell something that may have been exposed to water, bacteria, or extreme temperatures. For this same reason, we do not offer exchanges. I’m sorry if upon arrival you change your mind, don’t like the fragrance, or have a reaction to it. I hope that’s never the case. However, if your order was a mistake on our part - it happens! - we will remedy that asap. We HIGHLY recommend ordering or trying samples before spending a lot of money on an unknown fragrance. We’ve got close to 600 retailers in the US that would be happy for you to try a fragrance out in person!

BROKEN PRODUCT

If USPS, FedEx, LSO, or UPS played kickball with your package please let me know immediately! We’ll file a claim and get you a replacement in the mail asap.

Send pics and order number for any damages to simplifiedsoap@gmail.com.

7 DAY PRICE GUARANTEE

If we run a sale or reduce the price of an item you purchased (within the 7 days window), we will issue you a store credit for the difference. Just contact us with the order number via email @ simplifiedsoap@gmail.com.